I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
