dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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