I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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