A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
