Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
