WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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