Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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