Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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