morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
