dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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