How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
