No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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