Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize