I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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