Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You've changed since you got that strap on
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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