We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
