Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
