Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
