...so i touched it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize