I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
