I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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