You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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