I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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