No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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