We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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