Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
