Banned from zoo.
Again?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
