just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
