Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think my fart just growled at me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
