watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
