I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
