You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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