she looked like the before picture.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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