she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
