Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
