he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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