She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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