Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
