If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
