I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
