I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How's work?
Spinning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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