i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
