Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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