I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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