I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
