This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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