Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
