Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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