There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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