Your dad touched me again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
