I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
