I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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