so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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