It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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