Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
