i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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