the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
