Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
