she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize