YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
