ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
