in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
