I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How external is "for external use only"?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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