Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
