did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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