so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
