I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
