he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
