he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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