just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
