I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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