I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
