i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
