I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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